Haiti Pt. 1 - Initial Experience

I've heard it said that there are moments in peoples lives, defining moments, that shape us into who we are. It's not something I had ever given much thought or consideration to until recently. On January 12th one of the biggest natural disasters in recent history struck the impoverish nation of Haiti. My job took me to Haiti less than a week after the earthquake, which killed over 250,000 people. Bodies were still on the streets, little food or water had been distributed, and in parts of Port-au-Prince chaos reined. I'll never forget the heavy, almost palpable smell of death. In my excitement for the opportunity I didn't put a second thought into it when the opportunity presented itself to go and help. In fact, I went down excited to experience the situation. To say I was unprepared is totally inadequate. I didn't have a clue what I was getting into, if I did I probably wouldn't have gone. A couple months removed from the experience and having a chance to catch my breath and begin processing the experience, I can say I'd do it again and the same way. There were a couple of moments, possibly defining moments, that I'd like to share and also say a few words about the fallout in my personal life after I returned.

My first day in Haiti was spent driving around in a white van, imagine a VW bus and you'll have a good mental picture. The bus driver was from the Dominican Republic and the interpreter, Lou, lived in the DR but was from Haiti. Lou's wife and young daughter lived in Port-au-Prince. The first moment that really made an impact on me was towards the end of the first day. As we were driving down a crowded street with building after building down or standing but destroyed I looked out the window to my right, there, not 4 feet from me, was the naked, lifeless body of a man that looked to be about 40 years old. I froze. I'd like to say I was courageous but that would be a lie. I sat in the van hardly able to breath, lost all color, and seriously feared for my life.

As we continued further down the road we came upon a scene that is pretty etched in my memory...

Notice, in the photo below, two guys in the foreground holding a rope as motorcycles are coming towards them... why are they doing that?  This was the first time in my life that I genuinely felt like things were out of my control. In this moment I asked God, out of fear, to get me out of this. I felt helpless and afraid. I must say that seeing the body in the street and then coming up on this scene put me into sensory overload. My mind shutdown the systems that weren't a necessity. Had it not been for my friend sitting next to me shouting, "F***ING BREATH!" i'm not sure what I would have done... it snapped me back to reality. Looking back on the experience, this was really the only time I felt a real fear. In the moment, I didn't think we were going to make it out alive. I know it sounds over-the-top but it was a genuine feeling. We kept driving down block after block of devastated buildings.

Another moment that really struck me was at my hotel in the DR. I had come out of Haiti and was with my interpreter. We were walking into the hotel and Lou says to me in very broken english, "my life is very difficult, please help me." Of everything we saw and smelled, this is what spoke to my heart the most and overwhelmed me emotionally when I returned to the US. What Lou said didn't really set in. But when I got home and Carrie and I were driving home the drop-off point, I broke down. It just kept replaying in my head... please help me, please help me, please help... I once again felt completely helpless and hopeless. Here I was back in the US on my way home with virtually anything I wanted at my fingertips and my interpreter is in the same situation as when I left the DR. It broke my heart. I felt selfish and unworthy of all God has given Carrie and I.

I believe that my God allowed me to take in all the sites and sounds of Haiti and store them in my brain for processing at a later time. He knew that I couldn't deal with all at once or I would have had a similar experience as in the van. However, as the weeks and months have passed since the experience I've had numerous moments of clarity. God is using the experience to speak a lot of truth into my life. I went to Haiti a selfish, complaining, ungrateful jerk and came out, I think at least, a little less selfish, a little more grateful, but still a jerk.

Lou with his family for the first time in months.

I'll share more later.